He used to be pretty terrified of the kind of life he leads now.
Okay, perhaps not terrified, but at least very reluctant. As in “always get out before things get serious”. With Sarah, that really hasn’t been the case at all and he thinks he’s managed to move past those thoughts, that he’s grown up now and a different man and all that but there are some things that don’t change that fast.
So when Sarah tells him over breakfast one Saturday morning that she wants to have kids, Michael isn’t exactly prepared. He can’t claim to be overjoyed but there’s something there, in her words and her facial expression, that allows him to get just a little bit carried away when she talks about how “everyone” has babies now.
Logically he can understand it. They’re not 25 any more and Sarah points out that in just a few years she might be past the fertility years altogether so it’s not like he can argue that they should wait.
And when he thinks about it, lets the notion simmer around in his head for a while, she makes it seem like a really good idea. A family of their own. A kid. Sarah will be a terrific mother and perhaps he won’t be such a failure either with her guidance.
Once they’ve made this decision it feels like the entire winter changes around them.
Like they’re silly kids themselves, playing outside in the snow, giggling about stupid jokes and making wild plans for the future in the evenings.
As a first step towards becoming proper grown ups, Michael signs a contract for a bigger flat. It’s the same complex, just around the corner and on a different floor. Unlike their old one bedroom place, this has three bedrooms and a balcony and to them, it feels like luxury.
They talk about buying something at first but decides not to since they’re both reluctant to be in debt and much prefer being able to live rather cheap and save their money for other things.
It’s actually one of the things he appreciates the most about his wife – that she isn’t a sucker for status or having what everyone else has. She’s content with what she wants, doesn’t care a lot about their neighbours or her friends.
Well, except for when it comes to kids, of course. Kiera Hiller comes by one night to break the big news to them – she’s carrying twins and is due in November and Michael understands that it’s huge and exciting and everything, though he doesn’t know Kiera and her husband well enough to be as overjoyed as Sarah is.
She’s asked to be the godmother as well, which makes her beam like a child on Christmas eve.
Michael can occasionally be a bit jealous of her friendships and how important they are to her, what role they seem to play in her life. Whenever she talks about her friends, Sarah lights up and he’s never felt that way, never made someone that important aside from her.
She encourages him to hang out with more people and he decides to give it a go, though it feels ridiculous to phone someone up – Eric Cox, in this case, a guy he’s spent enough time with to know that he’d be able to have something in common with at least – and ask if they’d like to do something some time. He’s rarely ever done that when it comes to dating, so it’s even stranger with friends.
But Eric thinks it’s a good idea to get together and watch a game and all of a sudden they have formed that habit. To get together and watch a game.
Neither of them actually care about sports all that much, but it’s a decent excuse to have a talk and a beer. He might get used to it.
It’s late February, nearly March, when Sarah tells him they need to talk and even before she says anything he has guessed what it is that she wants him to know.
“I’m pregnant,” she confesses, a bit reluctantly, almost as if she’s worried he won’t be happy even though he’s already agreed to it in theory.
Sure, it’s easier to agree to something that isn’t real yet but even so, Michael finds that he’s actually happy about her news.
Happy and absolutely, utterly terrified.
* So Sarah rolled a baby want I was thrilled since I had decided to wait for either of them to roll one. Love these two together and can’t wait to see what they have!
* Michael wanted to make a friend, which I thought was pretty fitting since he’s only got female friends with benefits in his phone book. It’s pretty sad for a grown up to only have lovers and no friends, heh.