It feels like she’s spent most of this year being crushed.
Now as the year approaches its end, Emily barely even wants to look back on it. It’s like a long stretch of days she just got through, somehow.
They had been so happy when they bought their home. Happy and impatient to start their life together and Emily had nursed such high hopes of getting pregnant almost right away. Sure, she’s not young any more and she knows women might have trouble at her age but she had decided that she wouldn’t. That she was going to be happy. They had bought a house with lots of space and she has always wanted three kids. Two close in age and one a couple of years later. Now she realizes that plan won’t work at all.
“Let’s carry the crib away,” Kent had suggested the moment they got back home after being to the ER with Emily’s bleeding that just didn’t stop.
“No.” She had been firmly against it, refused it with everything in her body. Carrying it away would mean admitting defeat and she refuses that, too.
Now every time she looks at it something inside her breaks a little. First it feels like a hammer blow, then fainter, like a little stitch. If she’s lucky, the pain might vanish entirely at some point. And the crib remains.
Most of the time she’s actually managing quite well. She’s got a lot of work to do with her flower shop that they had bought along with the house. All of their savings poured into these two buildings and she feels humbled and excited about it.
Having a flower shop of her own is a lifelong dream and Kent had obliged when he sold his and Clara’s old house, said he could think of no better way to spend what little money he gained. That, and investing in a new family-friendly house for the four of them. Kent and Emily and the twins.
Hopeless most days. Charming the rest of the time. Emily never knows in advance which mood they will pick up along the day and every time they return home from school it’s a bit of hit and miss. They’re both pretty high-maintenance, not that she has any kids of her own to compare with but their classmates and peers do seem much less fussy.
Samuel is more difficult than his sister, a much more particular sort when it comes to what he likes and dislikes. He’s got the most specific set of wishes and rules Emily has ever encountered and some days it drives them all crazy.
But ever since their mum got into a whole new set of dramatic events with her new boyfriend, Sienna has been looking for Emily’s company and support. It’s not that strange, given how messy their young lives have been for years now and Emily’s heart goes out to the kids. They haven’t done anything in this and they still have to live through it. She knows Kent feels awful about it, too, but he has a hard time talking to them about it. Too close to where it hurts, perhaps.
Emily can see the situation with a different set of eyes, a different mindset. She reckons it’s a good thing.
“You’re not leaving, are you?” Sienna asks her one afternoon, a couple of days after the miscarriage.
Emily puts an arm around Sienna’s shoulder and shakes her head. “I’m not.”
“I think so, too.”
After a moment’s silence, Sienna leans her head against Emily’s chest and exhales, slowly.
“I hope you and dad have a baby,” she says, very softly but loud enough for Emily to hear.
Despite the breakthrough with the twins, life in their family constellation will never be very simple.
But it’s as if the drama in Clara’s life has left her at least a little bit more tolerable, because Emily no longer feels the urge to strangle her when they meet. These days Clara comes by to pick up or drop the kids and they can have a proper adult conversation instead of just speaking through gritted teeth to each other.
Kent has been even more caring since her miscarriage, barely letting her do anything mildly exhausting around the house.
“You should eat, sleep and try to think about better things,” he claims, and makes waffles for breakfast.
Emily allows him to be in charge of this, figuring it’s his way of dealing with what’s happened.
But she does work, because setting up a shop requires a lot of work.
It’s what she loves – arranging flowers, buying flowers, figuring out various ways to put them together and make people buy them – and it’s therapy, in its own way.
But she’s still grieving the baby they never had. Some days she thinks she will grieve it until she dies.
And then one day, just when she’s more or less given up on the idea of becoming pregnant again shortly after the miscarriage (which everyone told her would be fairly easy, if not entirely recommended) she finds herself with the kind of morning sickness that had nearly knocked her out last time around.
And then the first trimester exhaustion confirms it for real, two days before she gathers enough courage to take a home pregnancy test.
Now it’s their turn.
It has to be.
* These two ACR woohooed SO MUCH during this session. And it was a long session. And Emily didn’t get pregnant until their very last try. I love having different odds for different sims but damn, sometimes it’s frustrating. 🙂